April 22nd – April 28th

 

-Metta World Peace Concusses James Harden (April 22nd): There are many things that don’t make sense about Ron Artest.  He has had an exceedingly odd professional basketball career, from the time he considered retirement to become a rapper, to rumors of drinking cognac during games, to changing his name to something as ridiculous as Metta World Peace, a name so maddeningly inappropriate to his aggressive style of play as to make one think it is some ironic joke he is forcing on the public.  His most infamous moment was climbing into the stands during the Malice at the Palace to fight random fans.  Of that epic moment of sports gone horribly wrong, World Peace is still unapologetic.  Years after, he said, “It wasn't my fault...I don't see anything I could have done different. The only thing I could have done was have God pause time so I could have said, 'Oh, look, you're about to run in some stands, so stop.”  Metta was back to his old violent ways on Sunday, crushing the back of James Harden’s skull with a vicious elbow.  This incident was peculiar and nonsensical for many reasons, including the fact that it came after a great play from Artest which resulted in a breakaway dunk, the fact that Artest was having a good game against a good team, the fact that the victim, James Harden, hadn’t been getting into it with Artest, nor does he have any history whatsoever of being an instigative player, and the fact that, once again, THE GUY CHANGED HIS LAST NAME TO WORLD PEACE!  Only a fool would believe the elbow was a heat-of-the-moment mistake; it was a deliberate, spiteful, and merciless display of violence by a deranged psychopath.  But the NBA shrugged off the incident and gave Artest a seven game suspension, despite his long history of suspensions (including a full season for his actions in the Malice of the Palace), which proves that suspensions do absolutely nothing in the way of deterring his future outbursts.  The failure of sports commissioners to issue severe punishments for hostile acts has allowed for a sort of sanctioned violence in our beloved professional leagues.  Artest’s penchant for violence is only noteworthy for his sport, whereas NHL rosters aren’t complete without one or two “enforcers” whose only job is to physically attack the other team’s players.  Football is a sport predicated on brutal violence (with or without the motivation of bounty programs).  Even baseball teams like to clear the benches every once and while after a pitch drifts a little too far off the plate and throw a few punches or get an opponent in a head lock.  And, okay, I get it.  Sports, especially at the highest level, are played with an extreme amount of passion.  That’s how they find the drive to keep after it with such reckless abandon night after night, sacrificing their bodies in the eternal struggle.  And passion can easily tip over into something resembling rage or hostility.  But hello, that’s what penal codes are in place for: when emotion gets the better of us.  I am troubled by the disparity between the act and the punishment; I am not surprised by the occurrence of violence.  When a man gets too heated and hits another man in the face, hard enough to give him a concussion, he likely will be charged with aggravated battery.  He will be arrested, fined extensively, subpoenaed to appear in court, have his criminal record tarnished by a conviction, and possibly even be sentenced to time in jail or at the very least myriad hours of community service.  But why is it because Metta World Peace is wearing a Los Angeles Lakers jersey that he is somehow immune to appropriate punishment?  Why are we surprised when the same players act out time and time again?  To me, it’s never a surprise.  The offender will either be a player with a history of willingness to commit aggressive acts of violence or a player put in a desperate situation.  Players like Artest need to be officiated more closely and punished more severely, as his past discretions make him more of a potential risk.  Other times, when a game has gotten too physical to be considered safe or a team has taken to cheap shots to avenge an embarrassing loss, the officials need nothing more than their own two eyes to stop the problem before it happens.  Last year in the NBA playoffs, the Mavericks were finishing off a humiliating sweep of the Lakers.  The game was already out of hand in the fourth quarter when Lamar Odom issued a violent hip check on Dirk Nowitzki, which was appropriately called as a flagrant foul.  A couple plays later, Andrew Bynum undercut JJ Barea in a blatant act of criminality.  It was more than a cheap shot; it was a damn felony on a man half his size, who was caught helplessly in the air.  Bynum got a five game suspension, which he served at the start of this season.  Recognizing time and place, the officials should have stopped things before they ever got that far.  Throw players out, tell coaches to get their players under control, disqualify the whole team – whatever it takes.  Because the thing is: someone is going to die.  A human life will be lost to the violent force enacted in a game.  Freak things happen, of course; athletes of all types die tragically every year.  But I am referring to a death resulting from a violent, intentional act.  AKA: a murder.  There is no doubt in my mind that it will happen.  For as athletically gifted as professionals are and for how resilient the human body is, it mostly comes down to a question of physics.  When enough force is exerted, bones snap, spines crack, and nervous systems fall silent.  It’s a morbid thought, and certainly one worth preventing.  Do I have the answer to stopping this inevitable outcome?  Not entirely.  But I certainly believe that ditching naivety over the actual perpetrators of the violence would go a long way.  There should be an escalating system of punishment, much akin to the steroids policy in baseball, whereby repeat offenders can be punished exponentially more than others who lose themselves in a fit of aggression atypical of their usual personality.  Artest, without equivocation, is a lunatic.  We let that thug roam around the same court as the basketball greats of our generation and when he goes after a blossoming young star like James Harden, it’s a vicious reminder of how much of a threat he is to the well-being of the league.  He should have been banned from basketball long ago for his brute-like pillage through the stands in Detroit, but he wasn’t.  It’s no coincidence that he is back committing another blatant act of violence for seemingly no good reason.  You tell me, what in the fuck is seven games going to do towards stopping him in the future?  At this point, the only thing that will stop him is when he cocks back that elbow, bludgeons a man to the floor, and the man never gets up.

 

-Matt Kemp Redefines “Hot Start”: On Saturday night, Matt Kemp hit a walk off home run in the bottom of the tenth to beat the Washington Nationals.  It was yet another example of the player with the most momentum getting the hit in the clutch, evidencing that other intangible explanations for clutch hitting are mostly nonsense, but aside from that, it seemed to be an adamant punctuation on what many are calling the best start to any season of all time.  True, Larry Walker’s start to the 1997 season was probably better (better average, better OBP, more extra base hits, more runs scored, more RBI) but he was benefited by playing the majority of those games at Coors Field hitting in the middle of a stacked late-90’s Rockies lineup.  Barry Bonds’ 2004 season likely would have blown Kemp out of the water if it wasn’t so easy to just walk him.  Kemp has walked 13 times thus far this season.  In 2004, Barry had already walked 39 times after the same amount of games.  In April alone of the start of that season, Bonds reached based 64 times in 92 at bats, for a mind-boggling OBP of .697 (still managing 10 home runs and 22 RBI in that time).  Still, Kemp doesn’t have to top everyone else who ever played baseball to make our jaws drop with his insane early season production.  He is hitting .417, has 12 home runs, 25 RBI, 24 runs scored, and a staggering 1.383 OPS.  He leads the National League in any statistical category worth a damn: BA, HR, RBI, R, SLG, OPS, and on and on.  Most importantly, Kemp has led the Dodgers to a blistering 16-6 start, playing for a franchise that has been turned inside out by one of the strangest owner fiascos in the history of professional sports.  Kemp is currently projected to end the season with 85 home runs and 176 RBI.  I’d bet my last nickel he won’t quite get there, but even if he maintains any semblance of his torrid start, he will end with some gaudy, legendary numbers of the type we just don’t see any more.  For fun, I decided to see how much Kemp’s production would be worth compared to the salary of another player.  Kemp is getting paid $10,250,000 this season, but what would his stat-adjusted salary be if he were to replace a different player?  Completely at random (Wink Wink), I selected Albert Pujols to do this calculation.  Pujols is getting paid $12,000,000 this season and his batting average is .220.  Because Kemp is hitting .417, he would deserve a salary of $22,745,545 for outperforming Pujols.  But the adjusted salary changes depending on which stat you utilize.  For example, if we adjusted for RBI production, Kemp’s 25 RBI, over Pujols’ 4, would earn him $75,000,000 this season.  Finally, if we adjust for home run production, though technically Kemp would earn infinitely more than Pujols, because Pujols has yet to hit a home run, Kemp would earn twelve times Pujols’ salary, making a tidy $144,000,000.  And, if nothing else, that would buy plenty of Dodger Dogs.