2023-2024: Week 2 Player Reports

Game 1: Team Pink vs. Team Green

-Rob seems firmly committed to his strategy of stinking for the first half of the season as he and his team looked dead on arrival for this one. They hung in there via some difficult shot making and even took the lead down the stretch, but Pink withstood their rally and an net-related injury to their top scorer to overcome. The most impactful player on Green appeared to be Glover, which should be impossible when you have two elite scorers on the team. Pink just leans on you like a fat ass on a railing until you collapse under the pressure of their rebounding and defense. It’s always ugly, by design. Pink moves to 2-0 and gains needed flexibility as Mark recovers and Marcus gets up to speed. Green moves to 0-2 in the blink of an eye and we’re close to calling Green Rob teams cursed.

Game 2: Team Purple vs. Team Gold

-Kennedy’s much-hyped HatchetBall debut was spoiled by his own teammate as Konrad continues the hot start to his 2023-2024 campaign. Konrad is leading the league in scoring so far and his captain is leading the league in arterial blockage. Gold hung in this one briefly before getting completely outgunned and Purple ran away with it. It seems like Gold is a solid, balanced team that simply isn’t a contender. Being the best of the rest isn’t worth shit.

Game 3: - Team Silver vs. Team Orange

-We’re continuing to get a feel for the new guys in the league and this might have been a bit of a coming out party for Rashad, who hit 8 threes leading Orange to their second win of the season. Matt V had his coming out party not long ago and that was also considered a win (at least from the perspective of women). Team Silver is one of the youngest teams in the league and looks like an inexperienced group of out of shape recreational players. Team Captain Chris Soczek better get this squad in order or it will be a waste of a season for him. With a deeper league, maybe he can’t handle the pressure that comes with being the first overall pick?

Game 4: - Team Yellow vs. Team Blue

-Chuck scored with more Instagram baddies in Week 2 than he did on the court. Someone needs to wake him up or Yellow’s chaotic start to the season will continue. As bad as it feels for them, they’ve lost two extremely close games. Now they’re about to get Orange and Purple back to back, which are both 2-0. Their season might be decided before 2024. Blue looked like a poised group that plays well together. Everyone brings something to the table, even if they don’t give off a sense of dominance. Big test for them in Week 3 against Team Purple, which should be the game of the week. Justin vs Kennedy? Ed vs Konrad? Steve versus the structural integrity of the bench? Yes please!

Standings

Team	Captain	Win	Loss	Record	Win %	Streak	PS	PA	DIFF
PINK	MARK KOLL	2	0	2 - 0	1.000	W2	122	114	8
ORANGE	MATT VITALIANO	2	0	2 - 0	1.000	W2	154	120	34
PURPLE	STEVE DUDEK	2	0	2 - 0	1.000	W2	145	115	30
GOLD	DAVE TROY	1	1	1 - 1	0.500	L1	127	142	-15
BLUE	LUKE ASIMAKOPOULOS	1	1	1 - 1	0.500	W1	120	126	-6
GREEN	ROB KNAPCZYK	0	2	0 - 2	0.000	L2	115	130	-15
YELLOW	KYLE GARMES	0	2	0 - 2	0.000	L2	116	126	-10
SILVER	MATT KOLL	0	2	0 - 2	0.000	L2	113	140	-27