2017-2018: Week 5 Player Reports

Game 1: Team Matt V (Yellow) vs. Team Grey (Spadoni)

-Team Yellow used Matt V’s typical brand of scheduling luck to play the only other undefeated team in HatchetBall minus two of their starters. As such, they raced out to a significant lead that was quickly eroded in the second half. Yellow was able to hit enough shots down the stretch to win comfortably, but this was yet another signal that Matt V’s team isn’t as deep as it was last year. They look shockingly slow at times and are lacking the multiple redheaded playmaker scheme that helped Fatt V and the Stathams win a title last year. Matt Koll continues to contribute nothing in the scoring column, which is a problem. If you clock Mini-Statham at around 20 ppg, Full-Size-Statham at about 15 ppg, and Matt 3 at 9 ppg, where are the other 25+ points they need each night going to come from? Freddy (Got Fingered)? With their full squad (especially Jerry making life difficult for Pat S.), you’d have to conclude that Team Grey would be favored in a repeat of this matchup in the playoffs. Not a huge favorite, but a favorite nonetheless.

Game 2: Team Vito (Blue) vs. Team Brennan (Green)

-In a battle of two teams that will go the rest of the season without a 2^nd Rounder, this was a close battle between two teams that do not look like title contenders. Just a few short years ago, that would have been a blasphemous thing to say about Rob-led and Mark-led teams, but here we are. While Team Green showed flashes that certain lineups can compete, the existing lack of depth BEFORE losing their 2^nd Round pick is a handicap that they aren’t built to overcome. Their loss to Team Tierney in Week 3 might hurt incredibly bad once the playoff scenarios present themselves. The good news is that Team Green gets to play Team Tierney again in Week 11 in what will be an absolute must-win, regardless of what happens between then and now. Team Vito will supposedly be adding Daniher, who is a shell of his former self after repeated, significant injuries, but he’s a hooper who understands how to space the floor, rebound, and play team defense. Even if he’s only contribution is to some picks to free up Rob, Daniher’s presence will significantly improve Team Blue’s clunky offense. It’s a luxury for Rob that he still has Steve, a viable defender that can same him some effort on defense. Steve even sunk a few shots in this one (a season-high three 3PTs!), but his league-low shooting percentage of 21.88% on 8(!) 3PT attempts per game is absurdly insufficient.

Game 3: - Team Bo (Orange) vs. Team Tierney (Light Blue)

-Team Tierney looked like a bottom-feeder BEFORE it traded away its first and second round pick for a first and third round pick. Most people agreed this squad would likely be the taint of the league. However, in a year where there are a slew of shitty-dick squads, all you need to do to be respectable is win the games that are winnable (Hint Hint Team Green). Even at 2-1, no one is disillusioned into thinking this team’s ceiling is anything other than a first-round playoff slaughtering, but give them props for grabbing two straight wins against teams that are sputtering out of the gates. Team Orange on the other hand is one of Captain Bo’s most unwatchable teams of all time. Bo seems to be some type of modern-day hoax artist, purposefully assembling a maddening team of ill-fitting parts just for the frustrating entertainment of it all. Team Orange will play the winless Team Konrath in Week 6 followed by the winless Team Green in Week 7. If Team Orange drops both of these games, you can pretty much reserve their spot on the playoff outskirts right then and there.

Standings

Team	Captain	Win	Loss	Record	Win %	Streak
Yellow	Matt V	3	0	3 - 0	1.000	W3
Grey	Spadoni	3	1	3 - 1	0.750	L1
Blue	Vito	3	1	3 - 1	0.750	W2
Light Blue	Tierney	2	1	2 - 1	0.667	W2
Red	Garmes	1	1	1 - 1	0.500	L1
Green	Brennan	0	3	0 - 3	0.000	L3
Dark Blue	Konrath	0	2	0 - 2	0.000	L2
Orange	Bo	0	3	0 - 3	0.000	L3