Week Seven Player Reports
Mark Koll: On BYE in Week Seven.
What's Next: Mark will try to continue his torrid scoring pace against the rough and tumble Team Yellow in Week Eight.
Mark Koll
2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
33.60 |
7.60 |
4.00 |
1.20 |
91.43% |
Matt Koll: On BYE in Week Seven.
What's Next: Matt will look to battle the stout front line of Team Yellow in Week Eight.
Matt Koll
2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
7.60 |
10.40 |
6.60 |
2.00 |
25.00% |
Matt Vitaliano: Say what you will about
Matt V's draft advantage each year, but don't tell me the problem is that Matt
V, the player, is the difference. Matt
is a capable shooter who doesn't hurt the on court action by over-extending himself,
but the thought that his player value as a captain is what skews the odds in
his team's favor is ridiculous. Matt V
has averaged 9 points a game for the last decade. This will not change. Matt V is a dried up testicle sack. This will not change either.
What's Next: Dark
Blue will have a chance to push their record to 6-0 in Week Eight against Team Tierney.
Matt Vitaliano 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
9.00 |
3.25 |
1.25 |
0.25 |
NA |
Rob Knapczyk: It's worth pointing out
that Dark Blue has dominated the league so far with Rob not playing at peak
performance. It's hard to say if his
decline is due to his downtown alcoholism or a signal of a permanent regression
in his abilities, but Rob is currently averaging just 25.2 ppg,
which matches the lowest scoring average of his career (the year he played part
of the season on a torn
What's Next: Who will draw the responsibility of guarding Steigerwald in Week Eight?
Rob or Steve?
Luke? Definitely
not Matt V. Pat Ashe? Yes.
Ashe.
Rob Knapczyk 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
25.25 |
7.75 |
4.25 |
0.00 |
79.17 |
Luke A: DNP in Week Seven.
What's Next: Luke will take advantage of the calm waters and cheat at Fantasy sports within the next month.
Luke A. 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
8.50 |
7.75 |
3.25 |
1.00 |
25.00% |
Jerry Hahn: DNP. Out for season due to injury.
What's Next: Many
long months of painful introspection and rehabilitation.
Jerry Hahn 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
Dave Troy: Okay, what the
hell is going on here? This season has
been strangely reminiscent of a certain outer space cartoon basketball movie
where previously average basketball players are endowed with superhuman skill
and talent. In this metaphor,
What's Next:
Dave
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
17.50 |
4.75 |
2.75 |
0.25 |
63.64% |
Mike Steigerwald: Falling to 3-2 on the
season, there appears to be a trend for Team Tierney struggling against teams
that play good man to man defense. This
doesn't bode well for their primetime matchup against
Team Dark Blue in Week Eight, which will harass Steigerwald
and company all night long with hot man on man action. But there's a more troubling trend line for
Team Blue that we'll get into a little later.
What's Next: Steigerwald will shock the world by dropping 50 on Rob's
Polish head.
Mike Steigerwald 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
24.60 |
11.80 |
5.20 |
0.00 |
84.21% |
Steve Dudek: Steve continues to be the gas that lights the fire for Matt V's band of losers. Every time this team puts together a run, it seems to be spurred on by Steve's hustle and playmaking. His scoring has leveled off after a hot start, which was expected, but piling up 12 rebounds and 6 assists more than makes up for the few inevitable bricks he'll throw up every game. Steve has also attempted as many free-throws as Rob thus far in the season, which is always an indicator of making an impact on the game.
What's Next: Steve
will come off a screen awkwardly in Week Eight and his asshole will start
spewing blood inexplicably.
Steve Dudek 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
14.20 |
8.40 |
4.60 |
0.20 |
50.00% |
Mike Davis: Putting up likely his lowest statistical output in his two seasons playing in HatchetBall, Mike accumulated just 10 points and 8 rebounds in Team Yellow's Week Seven win. But anyone would trade stats for wins. Team Yellow rolls on.
What's Next: Big
Week Eight matchup against Team Orange. Should be an interesting mix of styles duking it out.
Mike
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
14.00 |
11.75 |
3.75 |
0.75 |
50.00% |
Paul Hobe: Paul continues to excel in the throwaway games, gathering 8 points and 13 rebounds in the Week Seven blowout. Paul should play a big role in Week Eight, shouldering the help-side defense responsibilities against Mark V and company.
What's Next: Paul
will switch his pre-game setlist to all Creed and Chumbawumba.
Paul Hobe 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
6.00 |
8.00 |
1.00 |
0.40 |
50.00% |
Mark Vitaliano: The clearest corollary in
HatchetBall right now is that when Mark V plays well,
his team wins. When he doesn't, they
lose. And Mark has made the distinction
of when he "plays well" very easy to spot. In Team Blue's three wins, Mark is averaging
over twenty points per game. In the two
losses, just eight points per game. It's
pretty obvious that if Mark has an off night, this team is fucked.
What's Next: Mark
will need to play his best if he wants to give his brother's team its first
loss.
Mark Vitaliano 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
15.60 |
10.20 |
2.20 |
0.40 |
68.57% |
Eric Mittermann: Eric continues to ride
Bo's Crazy Train right down the tubes.
Maybe Eric should think of this season as his "HatchetBall
Dress Rehersal" for when he plays on a real
team.
What's Next: Team Green will has a must-win game in Week Eight
against Team Red. Both teams are on the
outside looking in, playoff-wise, so dropping this one
would be a death knell.
Eric Mittermann
2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
1.40 |
3.80 |
0.40 |
0.60 |
25.00% |
2015-2016 Standings
|
Team |
Captain |
Record |
Win % |
Streak |
|
DarkBlue |
Matt V |
5 - 0 |
1.000 |
W5 |
|
Yellow |
Daniher |
4 - 1 |
0.800 |
W2 |
|
Blue |
Tierney |
3 - 2 |
0.600 |
L1 |
|
LightBlue |
Vito |
3 - 3 |
0.500 |
W1 |
|
|
Brennan |
2 - 3 |
0.400 |
W1 |
|
Grey |
Beave |
2 - 3 |
0.400 |
L2 |
|
Red |
Garmes |
1 - 4 |
0.200 |
L4 |
|
Green |
Bo |
1 - 4 |
0.200 |
L1 |