Week Eleven Player Reports

 

Mark Koll: BYE in Week in Eleven.

 

            What's Next: Showdown between the first and second place teams in Week Twelve.

 

 

Mark Koll 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

31.25

8.75

4.38

1.38

86.21%

 

 

 

Matt Koll: BYE in Week Eleven. 

 

            What's Next: 'Bow City: The Sequel.  In theaters now.  Coming this summer. 

 

 

Matt Koll 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

8.25

10.00

5.25

2.13

33.33%

 

 

 

Matt Vitaliano: DNP in Week Eleven.

 

            What's Next: Probably a shower after getting a spunk bath from Luke in Cleveland.

 

 

Matt Vitaliano 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

9.50

3.17

1.17

0.17

NA

 

 

 

Rob Knapczyk: Ahhhh.  This looks familiar.  Rob puts up some big numbers (34 points and 14 rebounds) and his team loses.  Rob spent years doing this with no titles.  As much as this cotton-headed ninny-muggins doesn't want to admit it: he's going nowhere without his entire team.

 

            What's Next: Rob will bet most of his paycheck on Kansas in Vegas and, once they lose in the first round, he'll be forced to give handjobs to upscale, downtown business men to afford his rent.

 

 

Rob Knapczyk 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

27.57

9.86

4.29

0.14

81.82%

 

 

 

Luke A:  DNP in Week Eleven.

 

            What's Next: Luke will return his Luke Walton jersey after being called out in the Week Ten Player Report.

 

Luke A. 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

8.67

7.67

3.33

1.00

37.50%

 

 

 

Jerry Hahn: DNP.  Out for season due to injury.

 

            What's Next: Many long months of painful introspection and rehabilitation.

 

 

Jerry Hahn 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

NA

NA

NA

NA

NA

 

 

 

Dave Troy:  Yes, another purple icee for Troy.  However, to give him his due, Team Yellow has played two consecutive games without their most impactful player, Mike Davis, who is out with a broken finger.  Mike doesn't put up many points, but his rebounding and aggressive play opens up extra opportunities for streaky shooters like Troy and help space the floor as more defenders are forced to pack the paint to keep him off the glass.  Both these factors seem to have hurt Troy.  Sure, it may be as simple as his shots aren't falling, but the quality of those shots has certainly diminished.

 

            What's Next: Team Yellow gets another difficult test against the rising Team Red in what will be a pivotal game for both teams.

 

 

Dave Troy 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

13.86

5.00

2.43

0.14

73.33%

 

 

 

Mike Steigerwald: It's always good to see such parity in HatchetBall.  Every week carries some surprises with it.  Or, seen from a different perspective, maybe as the sample size of a full season grows, teams are simply exposed for what they are and their record balances out.  Team Yellow and Team Blue seem like slow, inefficient teams.  But it wasn't that long ago that they both had winning records.  Now that they're both sliding, it doesn't feel all that surprising to me.  Although Mike could certainly use some help from a younger, more-bearded version of Matt V.  That would go a long way.

 

            What's Next: After losing a very winnable one in Week Eleven, Team Blue has put themselves closer to the playoff bubble.  Their remaining opponents don't particularly help, either, with Orange, Light Blue, and Yellow still on the docket to close the season.  They'll need to win two of those to lock up a playoff spot, you would think.  Anything less and they could be in real danger of watching the playoffs from home.

 

 

Mike Steigerwald 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

25.11

9.33

4.88

0.22

87.50%

 

 

 

Steve Dudek: Discord mounts for Team Dark Blue.  Verbal altercations abound.  There's been a lot of shaming, name-calling, and finger-pointing in the media.  Insiders are pointing to a toxic locker room punctuated by a lack of leadership and Asimakopoulos farts.  Team Dark Blue will fall. 

 

            What's Next: Steve needs to shoot more often.  That is Team Dark Blue's key to success.

 

 

Steve Dudek 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

13.50

8.75

4.88

0.13

54.05%

 

 

 

Mike Davis: DNP in Week Eleven.

 

            What's Next: A kiss from mama for his ouchie.

 

 

Mike Davis 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

13.20

12.40

3.80

0.60

41.67%

 

 

 

Paul Hobe: Paul tried valiantly to fill the Greek-sized hole in the lineup for Week Eleven and grabbed plenty of rebounds (12).  But he doesn't have the skill-set to facilitate plays and get others open, which in turn forced Team Dark Blue to regress into much more one-on-one play.  It is the great paradox of HatchetBall: this team needs Luke, but Luke is stupid and useless.

 

            What's Next: Mark will foul Paul out in the first half in Week Twelve.

 

 

Paul Hobe 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

5.67

8.67

1.00

0.67

33.33%

 

 

 

Mark Vitaliano: Mark continues to struggle and his team is suffering because of it.  Hopefully things can't get any worse?

 

            What's Next: Mark should light some candles, take a long bath, and refocus his cosmic energies.

 

 

Mark Vitaliano 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

13.44

8.67

2.44

0.44

63.04%

 

 

 

Eric Mittermann: In an absolute must-win, Team Green actually came through for Captain Starship Bo.  It is still a long-shot that they'll snatch a playoff spot, but they aren't quite playing for nothing just yet.  Team Green's final four matchups are: Light Blue, Grey, Dark Blue, and Orange.  They'll probably lose all four.

 

            What's Next: They'll give it a go and try to start a winning streak for the first time all season.

 

 

Eric Mittermann 2015-2016 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

2.14

4.00

0.43

0.43

25.00%

 

2015-2016 Standings

 

Team

Captain

Record

Win %

Streak

DarkBlue

Matt V

7 - 1

0.875

W7

Orange

Brennan

5 - 3

0.625

W4

Red

Garmes

4 - 4

0.500

W3

Yellow

Daniher

4 - 4

0.500

L2

LightBlue

Vito

4 - 4

0.500

L1

Blue

Tierney

4 - 5

0.444

L1

Grey

Beave

3 - 6

0.333

L4

Green

Bo

2 - 6

0.250

L3

 

 

2015-2016 Player Ratings

 

Player

Player Rating

Rank

Mark Koll

313.96

1

Matt Koll

218.09

2

Rob Knapczyk

215.57

3

Steve Dudek

194.91

4

Mike Steigerwald

167.98

5

Matt Vitaliano

156.82

6

Paul Hobe

149.61

8

Luke A.

143.17

9

Mark Vitaliano

132.32

7

Dave Troy

117.51

10

Mike Davis

107.35

11

Eric Mittermann

46.68

12