Week One Player Reports
Mark Koll: After watching him pour in 38
points in his Week One performance, you might assume Mark put some time in over
the off-season, fine-tuning his game and getting back into shape. None of that is true. Mark is a pure natural scorer. He always has been; he always will be. In fact, over the last six seasons, Mark has
averaged 33.5 ppg in Week One. It's actually kind of strange that he has
never had a BYE in Week One...oh wait, it's not strange at all, seeing as
though he is always taken first overall and Team #1 always plays Week One. Everything seems aligned for Mark this
season: he's married, expecting a baby, building a house in the HatchetBall neighborhood, he's paired up with Matt Koll (the perfect compliment), and his team color is
finally ORANGE! So how did Week One go
so poorly for the Golden Child with the Golden Dick? The easy answer is that HatchetBall
is a very different league in 2015-2016.
That was definitely the theme of Week One. There are over twenty new players in the
league, and many of them are serious players.
Mark's primary hurdle is that his team is composed of players from the
old guard (most of Team Orange's roster has played in HatchetBall
for decades). So the question this year
for Mark may not be whether he can drag his team to another title (his fifth),
but rather, what's better: youth or experience?
What's Next: Mark and Team Orange get another difficult test against Team Matt V in Week Two. Lord have mercy.
Mark Koll
2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
38.00 |
10.00 |
3.00 |
3.00 |
100% |
Matt Koll: It's been several years since
the Koll brothers ran the court at the HatchetDome together, so some bumps were expected in Week
One. But Matt will have to adapt to the
match-ups that each week presents. He
performed admirably in Week One, grabbing 8 boards, dishing 8 assists, and
swatting 5 shots, but he put up an embarrassing goose egg in the scoring
column. His team will need more than
that. If Matt becomes a double-digit
scorer, the combined effect of making himself a scoring threat and relieving
some of the pressure off his brother will make Team Orange the contender that
it should be.
What's Next: Matt will likely pick up the assignment of guarding Polish Superstar Rob Crapczyk in a Week Two showdown.
Matt Koll
2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
0.00 |
8.00 |
7.00 |
5.00 |
NA |
Matt Vitaliano: DNP due to gout.
What's Next: Coach
Vitaliano is more rickety and brittle than ever, but
he certainly has amassed a killer roster for the 2015-2016 season. They'll get a stronger test in Week Two
against Team Orange.
Matt Vitaliano 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
Rob Knapczyk: DNP in Week One.
What's Next: Rob
will make his season debut against his old rival, the King of HatchetBall, Four-Time Champion, Mark "The
Butcher" Koll.
Rob Knapczyk 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
Luke A: "Ode to Daisy"
Hey girl, what's crackin'?
Did you see those shots,
that I was jackin'?
I know you were impressed, check out my
stat-line!
How about that half-court shot, just before
half-time?!
Well just get ready, baby...I'm gonna do that all year;
even though I only average nine points for my
career.
Please come to all the games, so you see all
my dunks,
then I will share my recipe for semen and lamb
chunks!
What's Next: We'll get a chance to see Matt V's whole roster play together in Week Two against Team Orange. Don't forget to set the DVR for that one.
Luke A. 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
13.00 |
12.00 |
2.00 |
1.00 |
NA |
Jerry Hahn: DNP. Out for season due to injury.
What's Next: Many
long months of painful introspection and rehabilitation.
Jerry Hahn 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
Dave Troy: BYE in Week One.
What's Next:
Dave
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
Mike Steigerwald: Mike's grace period is
officially over. He's had two seasons to
"settle in" to the ways of HatchetBall; now
it's time to win. Unfortunately, Mike's
team did not show the balance needed to contend for a championship in their
Week One loss. Instead, it was more of
the same: Mike took most of the shots, played well, and his team stroked
themselves off all over the court.
Mike's team fell to a very beatable Kyle Garmes-led
squad by a good margin. I predict tough
times ahead based on what we saw in Week One from Mike's teammates.
What's Next: Mike will get a break in Week Two, before
returning to action against the early-favorite Team Beave
in Week Three.
Mike Steigerwald 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
26.00 |
15.00 |
7.00 |
0.00 |
100.00% |
Steve Dudek: Steve was as pathetic as expected for 95% of his Week
One season-debut. He threw up several airballs and was generally useless on both ends of the
floor. But what sets Steve apart is his
ability to continue shooting with confidence, even in the face of humiliation
that would cripple others. Steve
continued chucking and was able to catch fire, briefly, in the second
half. He finished with 16 points, almost
all scored within a 4-5 minute timeframe.
Team Matt V coasted to a win based on the shift in momentum brought on
by Steve's hot shooting. It makes you
wonder how good Steve could be if he played with more consistency, but at this
point, you kind of have to assume this is what you can expect from him. It just doesn't make much sense: how can you
hit 4 three-pointers in a row and go 1-6 from the free throw line?
What's Next: Steve
should see plenty of open shots with Rob back on the floor in Week Two. Hopefully he saved a few airballs.
Steve Dudek 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
16.00 |
6.00 |
2.00 |
0.00 |
16.67% |
Mike Davis: BYE in Week One.
What's Next: Season
debut in Week Two.
Mike
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
Paul Hobe: In one of the more optimistic storylines in Week One,
Paul easily played the best game of his career.
It just goes to show you how important your teammates are to your
individual success. It seems unlikely
that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar would have become the all-time leading scorer had he
spent his entire career in
What's Next: Paul
should find good opportunities to score against Team Orange in Week Two.
Paul Hobe 2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
14.00 |
17.00 |
2.00 |
0.00 |
50.00% |
Mark Vitaliano: Last year, on the very
worst team in HatchetBall, Mark showed that he can
still score at a good clip. The nice way
to say it is that he did not show that in Week One. If this team is going anywhere, Mark will
need to play a much bigger role on both ends of the court. He'll need to average 15 & 10 a game to
get things cooking.
What's Next: Mark
V will look to crack double-digits in the scoring book in Week Three after a
BYE.
Mark Vitaliano 2015-2016
Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
8.00 |
11.00 |
2.00 |
1.00 |
57.14% |
Eric Mittermann: BYE in Week One.
What's Next: Eric
will make his HatchetBall Rookie debut in Week Two. Good luck,
squirt.
Eric Mittermann
2015-2016 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
NA |
2015-2016 Standings
|
Team |
Captain |
Record |
Streak |
|
|
Beave |
1-0 |
W1 |
|
|
Matt V |
1-0 |
W1 |
|
|
Garmes |
1-0 |
W1 |
|
|
Vito |
0-1 |
L1 |
|
|
Tierney |
0-1 |
L1 |
|
|
Brennan |
0-1 |
L1 |
|
|
Bo |
0-0 |
|
|
|
Daniher |
0-0 |
|