Week Fourteen Player Reports
Mark Koll: Idle in Week
Fourteen.
What's Next: Mark
will be living it up in
Mark Koll
2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
24.80 |
12.00 |
2.80 |
0.60 |
83.33% |
Matt Koll: Idle in Week
Fourteen.
What's Next: An upskirt of his balls on StreetChat.
Matt Koll
2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
10.70 |
11.60 |
3.00 |
2.50 |
43.75% |
Matt Vitaliano: After
seeming to take a
major leap forward in his basketball career, in terms of offensive
production,
Matt V has hit a wall over the last few weeks.
It's possible he's burnt out from playing in multiple leagues. Team
What's Next: A
long soak at a Greek bath house, strategizing ways to get his team back
on track.
Matt Vitaliano
2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
10.64 |
4.27 |
1.09 |
0.45 |
NA |
Rob Knapczyk: An excellent
indicator of
how teams are integrating Mark Koll and
Rob into
their offense has always been their free-throw attempts.
If Rob and Mark are getting to the line a
bunch, it means their teammates are looking to put them in good spots
to do
some damage. I bet there's a direct
correlation between free throw attempts and team victories for the top
scorers
in HatchetBall.
It's important for the confidence of the stars, but it also
helps to
stem the frustration that leads to ill-advised "do it all myself"
syndrome, which both Rob and Mark have fallen prey to in the past. Said simpler: Rob shot
zero
free throws in the Week Fourteen loss.
Team Grey shot well enough against
What's Next: Rob
will get a week off in Vegas to clear his mind with large doses of
crystal meth and Native American foot fetishists.
Rob Knapczyk
2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
26.82 |
13.27 |
3.73 |
0.36 |
82.26% |
Luke A: In typical Greek fashion, Luke took advantage of an easy matchup against Team Yellow to pad his stats in Week Fourteen. Nothing shady on Luke's behalf, just a little pathetic that he tries so hard against the bottom feeders. After a mistake in last week's column, triple-doubles and double-doubles will be tallied at season's end and tracked moving forward. But if I had to wager a guess, I believe this is Luke's...third triple-double? Can that be right? Puke.
What's Next: Luke will serve a 3-5 year
sentence for solicitation of a male prostitute in Las Vegas County
Prison.
Luke A. 2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
14.89 |
11.78 |
4.44 |
1.67 |
57.50% |
Jerry Hahn: Obligatory retraction: I screwed up on
Jerry's report
from a week ago, as that was actually his SECOND triple-double. There you go, little guy.
Jerry was idle in Week Fourteen.
What's Next: Jerry
will need to stay focused to close out the season strong. Unicycling may
become a major distraction.
Jerry Hahn 2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
12.75 |
12.13 |
7.88 |
0.75 |
54.29% |
Dave Troy: Idle in Week Fourteen.
What's Next:
Dave
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
10.67 |
5.00 |
3.00 |
0.67 |
60.00% |
Mike Steigerwald: More
boring crap from Steigerwald: 27 points,
10 rebounds, 5 assists, and 7
three-pointers. Pathetic.
What's Next: Team
Red finishes up their season with an easy one against Light Blue in
Week
Fifteen.
Mike Steigerwald
2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
28.40 |
12.60 |
4.30 |
0.30 |
88.89% |
Steve Dudek: While
traveling for work has
been a major obstacle to Steve's progression over his rookie HatchetBall season, his inconsistency has been
staggering. After eight games played,
Steve scored 68 of his season total of 105 points in just three games. That means he averaged 22.67 ppg during his three best games and a pathetic
7.4 ppg in his other five games. That's...not good. I
mean, I'm not sure I would be able to put
up consistent numbers if most of my time was spent flying from one end
of the
country to the other to participate in a mobile Jizz
Festival, but Steve's draft value is still a head-scratcher.
What's Next: Jizz Fest '15:
Steve Dudek
2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
13.13 |
6.25 |
2.50 |
0.38 |
65.00% |
Mike Davis: Mike put in his weakest performance of the season with just 8 points and 11 rebounds in Week Fourteen. His rebounding will get him in the record books, but he'll need a better cast of characters next season for it to make any damn difference.
What's Next: Fishing
trip with Mark V.
Mike
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
12.73 |
17.09 |
4.91 |
2.09 |
63.04% |
Paul Hobe: Team Dark Green seems like it should be the
wildcard for
the upcoming postseason. They have a
nice balance of players and more depth than most teams.
However, they're extremely slow and can be
dangerously careless with the basketball as they don't have any ballhandlers to speak of.
Paul seems to have found his legs after a tough stretch during
the
mid-season. His rebounding has been very
consistent, which is what his team needs out of him.
Paul should look to continue to hit the glass
in the playoffs, as second chance points are a HUGE advantage in tight
games.
What's Next: Dark
Green will finish up its season against Grey and
Paul Hobe 2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
4.89 |
9.67 |
1.67 |
0.67 |
44.44% |
Mark Vitaliano: Mark V
seemed ready for
the playoff push, unfortunately, the rest
of his team
was not. He's already set up a rigorous
off-season workout schedule to come back with a vengeance next season. Light Blue has all but been eliminated from
playoff contention.
What's Next: Fishing
trip with Mike D.
Mark Vitaliano
2014-2015 Season Averages
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
17.20 |
7.80 |
1.80 |
0.70 |
41.18% |
2014-2015 Standings
|
Team |
Captain |
Record |
Streak |
|
DarkBlue(x) |
Bo |
7-3 |
W1 |
|
|
Matt V |
7-4 |
L2 |
|
Red(x) |
Beave |
7-4 |
W1 |
|
DarkGreen(x) |
|
6-4 |
W3 |
|
LightGreen(x) |
Brennan |
5-5 |
W1 |
|
Grey |
Johnson |
4-6 |
W2 |
|
Yellow |
Tierney |
3-8 |
L5 |
|
LightBlue |
Vito |
3-8 |
L1 |
x
- Guaranteed Playoff Spot
y
- Guaranteed First-Round Bye
z - Guaranteed Top
Seed