Week Thirteen Player Reports

 

Mark Koll: It feels a little tiresome at this point that the same story plays itself out year after year.  That story being, everyone rules out Mark's team at the halfway point, only to watch them storm down the stretch and bully their way to yet another championship.  Dark Blue, with their full roster intact, handled first-place Team Orange with gusto in Week Thirteen, snapping their six-game winning streak in the process.  Orange was missing their anchor, Danaher, who provides them with much-needed size, but one would be hard-pressed to say that Danaher's absence led to Dark Blue's victory.  Dark Blue just looked like the better team in this one.

 

            What's Next: Dark Blue takes a well-earned week off before finishing up their season against Light Green and Yellow.

 

Mark Koll 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

24.80

12.00

2.80

0.60

83.33%

 

 

Matt Koll: Despite his best efforts to sabotage Jerry's efforts, Matt still played a role in picking up a critical win for Team Light Green.  In an exclusive post-game interview, Matt Koll claims he is finally fed up with the amount of shots being hoisted up by his elderly teammates.  One would think that means he's intending to do some hoisting of his own.  We will track this storyline as it develops over the coming weeks.

 

            What's Next: Light Green gets a breather in Week Fourteen before wrapping things up against Dark Blue (minus Mark Koll) and Team Grey.  Both will be winnable games. 

 

Matt Koll 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

10.70

11.60

3.00

2.50

43.75%

 

 

Matt Vitaliano: In a departure of his usual habit of murdering Mark Koll-led teams, Matt V put up his worst game of the season in Team Orange's Week Thirteen loss, managing only a pathetic 3 points.  One is almost tempted to say that this loss illustrates the importance of Matt V to Team Orange's success.  It's not news that they do better when Matt V is knocking down his outside shots, but it also changes the way Orange structures their offense.  Besides Rob, Orange couldn't create any quality opportunities in the second half.  But Rob is kind of beside the point, in the sense that he's going to get his points regardless.  The rest of the team's contributions are what will decide the outcome of the game.  That's the scary part for Team Orange: it wasn't that Matt V was missing his shots, it's that all his looks were contested.  That doesn't speak to an "off night"; it speaks to a dysfunctional offense. 

 

            What's Next: Orange will have a good chance to start a new winning streak against Team Grey in Week Fourteen.

 

Matt Vitaliano 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

11.40

4.00

0.90

0.50

NA

 

 

Rob Knapczyk: None of the blame for their Week Thirteen loss should fall on Rob, as he put up a week-high 32 points and added 14 rebounds.  However, it may be in his best interest to look to play the role of facilitator in the coming weeks, at the expense of his own production.  Orange has a deep well of talent they should be tapping into every week and Rob has the talent to get everyone involved.  Orange is damn near unbeatable if everyone is clicking at the same time; it's worth a concentrated effort to make that happen.

 

            What's Next: Rob and the rest of the Orange Krush will look for their eighth victory against Team Grey in Week Fourteen.

 

Rob Knapczyk 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

27.60

13.30

3.70

0.30

82.26%

 

 

Luke A: Duke and Co. looked like the old, slow, fat bunch of losers we all thought they were in their embarrassing collapse against an under-manned Team Light Green.  They basically lost to Jerry and a roster taken directly from the Beverly Retirement Home ("Don't die in the comfort of your home...die here, surrounded by strangers and the constant stench of piss!").  It's hard to say what was colder in Week Thirteen: Luke's free throw shooting (an abysmal 1-6) or his tender, oft-abused ass buried deep in the winter snow.

 

            What's Next: A hot poker in the dick after he loses his next bet to Hahn.

 

Luke A. 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

15.00

11.25

3.63

1.88

50.00%

 

 

Jerry Hahn: After several long years of near misses, Jerry FINALLY secured his first career triple-double in a heroic Week Thirteen effort against Team Red.  Jerry finished with 19 points, 19 rebounds, and 11 assists.  Those are big boy numbers.  Jerry also gifted the world a public shaming for Luke, which I consider better than any triple-double on earth.

 

            What's Next: Light Green is not in position to contend for a first-round BYE in the playoffs, so they should focus on seeding during the last few weeks of the season.

 

Jerry Hahn 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

12.75

12.13

7.88

0.75

54.29%

 

 

Dave Troy: Coming in cold off an missed game, Troy did not look sharp in Week Thirteen.  However, he did the smart thing and didn't try to overextend himself, which meant he was able to contribute in smaller ways, especially in team defense.  People forget that Troy has pretty good size (except in the trousers) and is a valuable rim-protector against smaller teams like Team Orange.  He's not a banger down low by any means, but his height and length (except in the trousers) are a big plus for Team Dark Blue.

 

            What's Next: After a BYE in Week Fourteen, Troy will need to play a bigger offensive role against Team Light Green in Mark's absence.

 

Dave Troy 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

10.67

5.00

3.00

0.67

60.00%

 

 

Mike Steigerwald: It seemed like only a matter of time before Red's obsessive focus on giving the ball to Steigerwald would lead to offensive frustration.  Red will not win a championship relying on Mike to score all the points.  I wouldn't say that's exactly what happened in their Week Thirteen loss to Light Green, as that was much more due to a legendary effort from Jumping Jack Jerry, but my advice to Red is the same advice supported by people with female and male genitals: "Diversify your portfolio."

 

            What's Next: Red gets an easy one against Team Yellow before finishing up the season against Light Blue in Week Fifteen.  They should be in good position to secure an 8-4 regular season record, which would leave them right on the brink of a first-round BYE.

 

Mike Steigerwald 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

28.56

12.89

4.22

0.33

91.67%

 

 

Steve Dudek: Sucking more dick than usual, Steve managed just 6 points and 8 rebounds in the Week Thirteen loss to Dark Blue.  Without Danaher and Matt V taken completely out of the formula, Steve needed to step up and contribute.  And that...he...did not.

 

            What's Next: Steve will have a good chance to get things going again in Week Fourteen against Team Grey.

 

Steve Dudek 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

10.86

6.57

2.86

0.29

61.54%

 

 

 

Mike Davis: Not to be outdone by the puny Hahn, Mike put together a masterful performance of his own, collecting a monstrous 19 points, 20 rebounds, and 11 assists in Week Thirteen.  Most importantly, Light Blue picked up a much-needed win.  Sitting with 3 wins, Light Blue controls their own destiny.  If they win their last two games, they should sneak into the playoffs; if they lose either game, they'll need Team Grey to lose out, or will be eliminated based on tie-breakers. 

 

            What's Next: Light Blue will have their first must-win against Team Dark Green in Week Fourteen.

 

Mike Davis 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

13.20

17.70

5.10

2.10

61.36%

 

 

Paul Hobe: Idle in Week Thirteen.

 

            What's Next: Dark Green will look to squash Light Blue's hopes in Week Fourteen.

 

Paul Hobe 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

4.88

9.63

1.63

0.63

50.00%

 

 

Mark Vitaliano: Mark V did his part in Week Thirteen, pouring in 19 points and 13 rebounds in Light Blue's victory.  He'll need to keep that production up over the next two weeks for them to have any chance of crawling back into the playoff picture.

 

            What's Next: Light Blue vs. Dark Green in Week Fourteen.

 

Mark Vitaliano 2014-2015 Season Averages

 

PPG

RPG

APG

BPG

FT%

16.89

8.11

1.78

0.78

46.15%

 

 

 

2014-2015 Standings

 

Team

Captain

Record

Streak

Orange

Matt V

7-3

L1

DarkBlue

Bo

7-3

W1

Red

Beave

6-4

L1

DarkGreen

Conway

5-4

W2

LightGreen

Brennan

5-5

W1

Grey

Johnson

3-6

W1

Yellow

Tierney

3-7

L4

LightBlue

Vito

3-7

W1