Week Eight and Mid-Season Player Reports
Mark Koll: This was the first year Mark has been selected first overall in the draft, and the fallout has not been pretty. His draft status isn't completely to blame, but this can't be the way he envisioned the season going after back-to-back championships in '12 and '13. As usual, Mark is getting a TON of attention from opposing defenses, which has limited his offensive production in certain games. In the past, this hasn't always been a bad thing. The singular focus of other teams in stopping Mark has led to excellent chances for his teammates to step up and contribute. But this year, in a strange way, Mark is almost irrelevant to his team. He'll continue his steady production, but the success of the team will hinge upon his teammates willingness to play together on defense and offense. After six games, Team Grey's biggest issues are on the defensive end, where they give up far too many quality opportunities. They don't rebound all that well, either. Still, Grey has managed a .500 record through the first half of the season and will definitely make the playoffs. That matters. Historically, Mark has been devastating in the playoffs, averaging 26.00 ppg and maintaining a career playoff winning percentage of .857. Don't count Grey out just yet; Mark will make sure they don't go quietly.
Current Record: 3-3
Projected Record: 7-5
Team Motto: "Let's try a 3-2 zone
in the second half. That will solve
everything."
Best Game: Week One. Mark finished with a league-high 36 points and 8 rebounds in a trouncing of Team Green. Grey will need more superhuman efforts like this one if they want to steal a couple upsets in the second half.
-History Lesson-
Mark Koll
First-Half
Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
25.50 |
10.50 |
2.17 |
1.17 |
96.15% |
Matt Koll: Matt has had an interesting season. His team started strong, looked top-tier, fell into the toilet, recovered, and then slipped back into the poopy water. In contradiction to his team's inconsistent play, Matt has been very steady in 2013-2014. He's scoring at a higher clip than usual and his first half stats look strong, even though his averages were heavily decreased by an injury in his team's Week Eight loss. His rebounding is down, but that's understandable for a big team that plays such good defense and such bad offense: all the possessions are extended. It's a safe bet that any game Dark Blue plays results in 15-20 less shot attempts than other games, which means less rebounds to go around. What Dark Blue needs (and what Matt Koll needs) is a signature win/moment. They need something to hang their hat on that pushes them into championship contention. After six games, they sit at 3-3, but that record reflects an overtime loss to the worst team in HatchetBall and a golden opportunity to beat the best team in HatchetBall gone sour in Week Eight (largely due to Matt's injury). If those two games go differently, we'd regard Dark Blue, and Matt Koll, much differently. He's playing well and shooting well, but he's going to have to carry the scoring load for a team full of guys that seem to forget that the object of basketball is to score points.
Current Record: 3-3
Projected Record: 7-5
Team Motto: "Always attempt a shot
when you're up six with forty seconds
left."
Best Game: Week Two. Matt Koll had the best game of his HatchetBall career in a key win over Team Grey. He finished with career highs in points (21) and three-pointers (6). He even threw in 10 rebounds to secure a double-double in the impressive performance.
-History Lesson-
Matt Koll
First-Half
Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
9.50 |
8.83 |
2.33 |
0.83 |
28.57% |
Matt Vitaliano: For years
and years Matt
V has been made fun of for his advanced age.
However, as the harsh realities of the issues associated with
growing
old wreck havoc on his fragile body, it seems less amusing. Wait, no.
It's still hilarious. Matt V
registered
two consecutive DNPs due to a "really bad
case
of gout" and a self-diagnosed "sprained" knee. According
to Matt, his doctor advised him
never to drink again. Here's my advice:
never play basketball again.
Current Record: 5-1
Projected Record: 10-2
Team Motto: "Take advantage of the
stupidity of the other team captains."
Best Game: Week Eight. Matt V watched his team pull out a close one against Dark Blue and won two consecutive strip cards in the process. Not bad. The money he won can buy plenty of the alcohol he can't drink.
-History Lesson-
Matt Vitaliano
First-Half
Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
9.25 |
3.25 |
1.25 |
0.25 |
0.00% |
Rob Knapczyk: Rob must have made a deal with the devil in the off-season. He got placed on the sort of team any great player would love. There are other scoring threats to pull the defensive focus away from him, there are unselfish players who look to pass first and help Rob get open, and Rob was blessed with the youngest roster in the league, something that has proven a valuable asset in previous HatchetBall seasons. Team Yellow was the class of the league in the first half of the season, in no small part due to Rob's efforts. Despite a nagging injury that has limited his activity around the rim, there's been hardly any drop off in his scoring and rebounding. This is mostly due to the composition of his team, which is well-suited to his revamped focus on outside shooting. Mostly, Rob seems content to let his teammates do all the dirty work and he just reaps the benefits. He finds himself wide-open almost every possession on offense and on defense rebounds just seem to fall in his lap. But most importantly, Rob has his team off to a 5-1 start. If you ask him, Rob seems much more interested in breaking the record for three-pointers in a season, which he will do handily. But Rob's hit plenty of threes in his HatchetBall career. He would be better served focusing on the one thing he's never done: win a HatchetBall championship. Failing to win a title this year would be a major disappointment.
Current Record: 5-1
Projected Record: 10-2
Team Motto: "Three-pointers are
worth more than two-Pointers."
Best Game: Week Three. Rob
started his streak of hot outside
shooting in Week Three, finishing with 7 long-jackers,
33 total points, and 11 rebounds.
-History Lesson-
Rob Knapczyk
First-Half
Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
27.50 |
10.17 |
2.67 |
0.17 |
58.82% |
Luke A: No one should have any sympathy for Luke. He too has never won a HatchetBall championship, with several near misses under his belt. The privilege of playing on Team Yellow will benefit him in the long run, because it gives him the best chance of finally securing a HatchetBall title. Still, everyone who plays HatchetBall is selfish to a degree, and we certainly all care about our stats. Plain and simple, Luke's stats have suffered due to the chemistry of his team. Less than a year ago, Luke was tearing it up: in the 2012-2013 playoffs, he averaged 16.5 ppg and 14 rpg. He seemed to be headed in the right direction. The days of the 2 baskets per night were over; Luke was now a serious scoring threat. But on Team Yellow, Luke is barely a threat to register in the scorebook. He's averaging just 6 points a game, which is his lowest since 2010-2011, when he weighed well over three bills. But somehow, Luke still seems moronically happy. He reminds me of a common fly drawn to the bright light of a fly-zapper: he could care less that he isn't scoring hardly at all, as long as he gets a few blocks a game. Granted, he's blocking shots at a historic pace, but again, I think of the fly, drawn by the radiant blue sheen of the electronic zapper, focused on all the wrong things, almost happy all the way up to the moment that he's zapped to death. Who would rather block shots than get buckets? He's given up production in almost all the key areas in order to do well in one specialty stat category. If Team Yellow fails to win the title, Luke will likely look back at this season with regret.
Current Record: 5-1
Projected Record: 10-2
Team Motto: "Don't pass the ball to
Luke."
Best Game: Week Seven. Luke
broke his own record for blocks in a
game, set earlier this season, with 7 denials.
He also played a very well-rounded game, finishing with 7
points, 8
rebounds, and 8 assists. And while I
don't think blocks are all that important in the grand scheme of
basketball (as
evidenced by the fact that Yellow LOST this game), that's a lot of
blocks for
one game.
-History Lesson-
Luke A. First-Half Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
6.00 |
7.50 |
4.50 |
2.83 |
27.27% |
Jerry Hahn: In 2013-2014, Jerry should be as happy as
Matt V at a
gay orgy (gorgy?). This season he is
surrounded by the type of player he has always hankered for:
hard-working,
skill-less hustlers like himself. He has
long been a believer that effort is all that matters in basketball; or,
at
least, that effort is what matters the most.
And there is no doubt Team Orange is the hardest working team in
HatchetBall. They
extend defensive pressure full court and crash the offensive glass with
a
ferocity not seen since the days of the German blitzkriegs. And their effort has paid off, positioning
them with a healthy 4-2 record at the midway point of the season. This team does a little
bit
of everything, but are fatally undersized. They'll
need to compensate for their short
stature by keeping opponents from collapsing their defense. If they can do that, they have enough
athleticism and depth to guard the best offenses in HatchetBall. Yellow
and Red both are heavy on outside
shooting, which could play into the hands of the pesky Team Orange, who
deploy
excellent perimeter defense. Jerry has
been a crucial part of his team's success.
He's on pace to set personal records for points, assists, and
free throw
percentage. But does
Current Record: 4-2
Projected Record: 9-3
Team Motto: "Bo is probably higher
than you think."
Best Game: Week Three. In
a critical overtime win, Jerry played his
balls off, finishing with a career-high 25 points.
With 11 rebounds and 8 assists to boot, Jerry
missed accomplishing the second-ever HatchetBall
triple-double by a measly 2 assists.
-History Lesson-
Jerry Hahn First-Half Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
13.60 |
9.60 |
6.60 |
0.40 |
80.00% |
Dave Troy:
Current Record: 1-5
Projected Record: 2-10
Team Motto: "Abandon all hope."
Best Game: Week Five.
-History Lesson-
Dave Troy First- Half Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
7.83 |
5.17 |
1.00 |
0.50 |
66.67% |
Mike Steigerwald: The effect Mike has had on Team Red has been damn near revolutionary. He took a team that was floundering at 1-2 and promptly led them to three wins in three weeks. His confident shooting appears to be contagious: all sorts of shots are falling for Team Red, from all sorts of players. Part of that is Mike drawing the defensive attention away from his teammates, but there is also an element of rejuvenation with this squad. They just seem to be having more fun out there when they're playing well; they believe every shot they throw up there will find its way through the net. There have to be some concerns about their lack of speed and they will need to form a contingency plan for when all those three-pointers aren't falling, but for now, they would be well-served to ride the fresh wave brought about by Mike's introduction into their lineup. Team Red's biggest challenges are still down the road (in Week Twelve and Week Sixteen), so if they're smart, they should be able to keep the good times rolling for many weeks to come.
Current Record: 4-2
Projected Record: 9-3
Team Motto: "Waist-size is just a number."
Best Game: Week Six. In his HatchetBall debut, Mike came out guns blazing on his way to 30 points and 9 rebounds.
-History Lesson-
Mike Steigerwald
First-Half
Averages 2013-2014
|
|
RPG |
APG |
BPG |
FT% |
|
20.33 |
11.67 |
3.67 |
0.00 |
100.00% |
2013-2014 Standings
|
Team |
Captain |
Record |
Streak |
|
Yellow |
Matt V |
5-1 |
W1 |
|
Red |
Tierney |
4-2 |
W3 |
|
|
Vito |
4-2 |
W1 |
|
BabyBlue |
McElligot |
3-3 |
W1 |
|
Grey |
Beave |
3-3 |
L1 |
|
DarkBlue |
Brennan |
3-3 |
L1 |
|
Brown |
Rech |
1-5 |
L2 |
|
Green |
Danaher |
1-5 |
L3 |