Week Five Player Reports

Jerry – With Mark unable to play and a $20 win/loss bet on the line, Jerome needed to showcase his skills. Unfortunately for him, this old decrepit version of Team Skidmarks couldn’t help him get the win in what was his worst game of the year. 9 points and 7 boards isn’t going to cut it when you need to make up for Mark’s points, shot attempts, and ego. There goes the undefeated season and the peacefulness of not having to listen to Matt V proclaim his team is going to be alright.

Matt V – Proving again to be just slightly more useful than the last 2 players on the bench, Matt V put up a measly 3 rebounds and 1 assist on the stat sheet. No points? I thought only 3 players on your god awful team were capable of that (Drish, Ashe, Koll), but clearly you just need to be sitting on the bench with them at all times.

Drish – Drish was outworked in the stat sheet by his running and bench mate Pat Ashe. In this week’s stat book, Pat made an appearance with one outstanding assist, which I basically consider the game winner. Meanwhile, Drish, while he did bounce around a lot on top of that 2-3 zone, was unable to even have a rebound fall into his lap. You did have a nice air ball though – keep shooting!!!

Matt Koll – Matt is putting up historically awful offensive numbers, comparable to only his current teammates. He has less total points in 4 games than Luke scored in a single outing this year. We know you’re not an ‘offensive player,’ and your 11 rebounds, 3 dimes, and 2 beats help your squad, but your team is going nowhere if you put up goose eggs all day. Wait, your team is going nowhere regardless.

Rob – In a pregame interview, Rob addressed the packed upper right corner of the St John Fischer bleachers, “I’m going for a triple double.” Well as it turns out, despite him saying this every week, his teammates cooperated. Rob ended the game with 10 rebounds, not before thinking he needed 1 more and came flying in on a fast break layup miss, almost hurting himself with the game already in hand. He also put up 30 points, but if he would have shared the ball a little more, he could have gotten that one final assist to put him over the top. Rob finished up an assist short, and tying the all-time single game assists record with 9. Rob had Player of the Week locked up 4 minutes into this game.