Week Four Player Reports

Mark - Brown moved to 3-0 on the season in a (mostly) uncontested game against Team Urine. Mark did lead the way with 24 points, 9 rebounds, and 2 blocks, but those numbers don't quite live up to the golden standard we're accustomed to. It's a serious problem Mark faces each year: with his team regularly winning by wide margins, it's hard for him to justify taking a lot of shots. This leaves him at a clear statistical disadvantage compared to Rob, who shoots every play because his teams are so commonly awful. That being said, Mark doesn't care if he loses the race to a thousand points. He'd much rather be on a good team that doesn't need him to score 40 points a night than be on a team that needs him to score 40 points just to stay in the game. Rob may hold the career scoring title and the title of most nights in a row spent at Pol(ish)Katz, but he has never won a HatchetBall title. Mark has been in the championship two years in a row. His team is 3-0. 'Nuff said.

Jerry - Though he teased us with a ridiculous spin cycle that he couldn't quite finish, Jerry played another solid game, securing his 8th career double-double. He finished with 11 points, 10 rebounds, and 3 assists. More importantly, Jerry nailed 2 three pointers (1 shy of his career record of 3) and it's fast becoming clear that the only thing in HatchetBall scarier than Matt V's mangled penis is Jerry and Gordon Beckham at the top of Brown's vaunted 2-3 defense. As a flashback to last year (and a personal challenge to Jerry) the New Year is fast approaching. Step up Doctor Hahn. I want 20 ppg and 13 rpg in 2013. I'll accept nothing less.

Luke - Big (Little?) Greek's numbers slipped some in Week Three, but he still had a positive effect on the game and managed to help his team get their first win of the season. Luke ended with 10 points, 8 rebounds, and added an assist and a block. More impressively, he managed to stay on his feet for most of the game. Who would have thought that was possible? On another note Luke went 4-6 from the Free Throw line, moving to 12 for 20 on the year. 60% doesn't sound like much, but for a career 42% shooter, 2012-2013 has been a breakthrough. Apparently Robert Atkins and Jenny Craig had it wrong: the key to weight loss is nothing more than a steady diet of free throws.

Troy - Big ups to Father Troy in Week Four, who seems to have broken out of his early season shooting slump. And he did it the old-fashioned way: by getting himself more involved in other parts of the game. Troy did hit 2 three-pointers and finished with 10 points total, but he also grabbed 4 rebounds and dished out a career high 6 assists. To put that in perspective, in his previous 14 career games, Troy had only 18 assists TOTAL. This should be a sign of big things to come from Troy as long as he stays focused and gives a good effort every time out. Plus, it wouldn't hurt if he gave his teammates a few dick-taps to keep them motivated.