Week Fourteen

Mark – The red team got back on track with Mark in the lineup, beating the top team in the league: Team Brown Poo-Flingers. In an impressive defensive effort, the red team held their opponent to only 44 points. Mark led the way in scoring, leading the fast breaks and getting into the lane with ease, time and time again. Look for the red team to finish out their regular season strong in Week Fifteen, with Mark and company laying the big dick hammer down once again.

Matt K – Matt put up a persistent effort, controlling the boards and making outlet passes that allowed his team to convert on the break. While he has yet to make the transition into a scoring threat, he has at least stepped up in terms of playmaking, extending plays with offensive rebounds and getting teammates good looks. As the season winds to a close, maybe we should all stop bitching at Matt for not shooting, as his team is yet again near the top of the standings.

Troy – Troy played one of his most balanced games yet, attacking the boards better than ever before, dishing out a few dimes, and finding good spots to create offense. It will be an interesting discussion for who will win Rookie of the Year. The two rookies have many things in common. Both have 9 letters in their full names, with five dedicated to the first name and four dedicated to the last name. Both went to public grammar schools. Both are giving, passionate sex partners. The committee will have to think long and hard about who deserves the award more, as Jerry’s numbers are superior, but his team may not even make the playoffs. Troy’s numbers started slow, but have picked up impressively, plus his team will likely be a 1 or 2 seed for the post-season. Either way, the winner of the Rookie of the Year award will be joining prestigious company. Past winners: Pat Ash (’92), Cowboy (’78), Matt V (’55).

Luke – Luke’s squad continued their strong play in the second half of the season emerging victorious in a battle of the blue teams. Luke’s team sits tied for third place, though due to the mangled pile of possibilities because of how close the records are this season, Luke could still miss the playoffs. And God knows we all want that to happen. So get out your foam fingers and root on whoever Luke plays these last two weeks of the season. *Note – After 22 confirmed bowel movements, Luke has been declared ineligible for Week Fifteen. Dealing with a devastating bout of diarrhea, described to me as “like shooting hot coffee out of a super soaker”, Luke is listed as day to day.